Getting to Know Me

Why is it so hard to get to know people?
This evening I went out to dinner with an acquaintance. During the meal I had an internal battle going. How much about myself do I share? How close do I allow this person to get?

This is territory that I have visited many times. In our marriage of 12 years, JT and I have moved 14 times. I have struggled with keeping myself so reserved that I don't allow myself to make friends. I come across as a "snob",or aloof, when really I just don't want to give a piece of myself away only to say goodbye in just a few years. The problem is that I don't make friends, and therefore end up feeling pretty miserable.

What is the ideal balance? It is indeed a delicate dance that we must learn. As we open ourselves up for friendship, there are things that we don't share right away (maybe never).

I am an avid reader, there is not a time when I am not currently in the middle of a book and have a stack of books waiting to be read. I read about "best friends" or "girl-friends" the kind who know the most intimate details about each other, and I feel a little bit jealous. I want one of those. Of course in order to get one, I must be willing to invest the emotional time. And then I become a coward, I think to myself "if she knows all this about me she can't possibly like me". I am my own worst critic.

So I have built this wall around me with very few windows offering a view within. Little by little as I allow myself to trust someone, I will be able to make those windows bigger, and bigger, until I do have a best girl-friend.