The New Adventure

My family is facing uncharted territory.

Starting September 2 we will begin homeschooling our 5 year old son, Miles. We have ordered the curriculum and are anxiously awaiting its arrival next week. Today I sent our "Notice of Intent" (NOI) to the Superintendent's office so we can legally keep Miles out of school.

We have all of our "ducks in a row", but it hasn't been an easy road so far. For the past few days (ok it's been closer to a week) JT and I seem to have forgotten how to communicate with each other. I must admit that it is mostly my fault. Up until yesterday I thought that JT was being completely unreasonable. He wanted to know if I had done the NOI "what? we don't have to that for kindergarten!" Apparently the law was amended for 2008 and we are required to send a NOI for kindergarten. Next JT wanted to make sure I was planning on testing Miles throughout the school year so he would be ready for the achievement test at the end of the year. "so now you are saying that I am incompetent and haven't put any thought into this at all?!!!!!" Oh, wait, that isn't what he was saying. but now I have completely alienated him from being able to discuss this in a reasonable way.

I have put a lot of thought into my defensive reaction. I have prayed about it. I believe the Holy Spirit has convicted me to look internally for the answer instead of assuming that JT doesn't have confidence in my ability to teach our son. I have realized that I am scared out of my mind. I am the one questioning my ability to do this. Because of my own trepidation I have automatically thought that JT felt the same way. If I had only been honest with myself and with JT, this week would have gone much better.

Not having the privilege of privacy because we had house guests, I opted to write a letter of apology to JT and hoped for an opportunity to talk about it later. Now having had that discussion, I have to ask myself "why was it so hard to just admit that I am nervous about homeschooling?" I think that any person who is about to do something new will be nervous and scared. I have to believe in myself. We have prayed about our decision and are sure that this is what God is calling us to do. Therefore I must have confidence and trust that He will not ask me to do anything that I am not capable of. It benefits no-one to have me immobilized by fear, least of all my precious son.

I truly am looking forward to watching first hand my son learning and growing. I will get to see his face light up with excitement as he figures out new things. I am also excited about learning right along with him things that seemed unimportant during my own elementary school days. Who knows, maybe math will finally start making sense to me.