The New Adventure

My family is facing uncharted territory.

Starting September 2 we will begin homeschooling our 5 year old son, Miles. We have ordered the curriculum and are anxiously awaiting its arrival next week. Today I sent our "Notice of Intent" (NOI) to the Superintendent's office so we can legally keep Miles out of school.

We have all of our "ducks in a row", but it hasn't been an easy road so far. For the past few days (ok it's been closer to a week) JT and I seem to have forgotten how to communicate with each other. I must admit that it is mostly my fault. Up until yesterday I thought that JT was being completely unreasonable. He wanted to know if I had done the NOI "what? we don't have to that for kindergarten!" Apparently the law was amended for 2008 and we are required to send a NOI for kindergarten. Next JT wanted to make sure I was planning on testing Miles throughout the school year so he would be ready for the achievement test at the end of the year. "so now you are saying that I am incompetent and haven't put any thought into this at all?!!!!!" Oh, wait, that isn't what he was saying. but now I have completely alienated him from being able to discuss this in a reasonable way.

I have put a lot of thought into my defensive reaction. I have prayed about it. I believe the Holy Spirit has convicted me to look internally for the answer instead of assuming that JT doesn't have confidence in my ability to teach our son. I have realized that I am scared out of my mind. I am the one questioning my ability to do this. Because of my own trepidation I have automatically thought that JT felt the same way. If I had only been honest with myself and with JT, this week would have gone much better.

Not having the privilege of privacy because we had house guests, I opted to write a letter of apology to JT and hoped for an opportunity to talk about it later. Now having had that discussion, I have to ask myself "why was it so hard to just admit that I am nervous about homeschooling?" I think that any person who is about to do something new will be nervous and scared. I have to believe in myself. We have prayed about our decision and are sure that this is what God is calling us to do. Therefore I must have confidence and trust that He will not ask me to do anything that I am not capable of. It benefits no-one to have me immobilized by fear, least of all my precious son.

I truly am looking forward to watching first hand my son learning and growing. I will get to see his face light up with excitement as he figures out new things. I am also excited about learning right along with him things that seemed unimportant during my own elementary school days. Who knows, maybe math will finally start making sense to me.

Getting to Know Me: Part II

I want to clear up something that may have occurred to some of you regarding the original post.

I am a Christian, and Jesus Christ is therefore my very best friend. My husband is also my best friend.

However, I do believe that I am created with a certain longing for female fellowship and companionship. Something that only a girlfriend can provide in this human form that I find my soul trapped inside.

This is what I am seeking. It is a constant struggle to allow myself to open up and let someone in. It takes an amazing amount of trust on my part. It is something that can only be accomplished through the help of my LORD and the Holy Spirit He has so generously allowed me to have.
"Thank you, dear Lord"

Manspeak

Thursday night when my husband got home from work, I greeted him at the door and started getting reading to leave for VBS. I was complaining about the fact that I failed to say "no" to the last minute request that I teach the preschool class. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy teaching, especially the little ones. What I didn't like was the fact that this particular VBS was painfully ill-planned and disorganized.

I am a natural organizer, ok maybe OCD would be a better description. Anyway, as I was lamenting this to my dear husband, he looked at me and said "you have two options, either grin bear it and do it, or be willing to step up and do the necessary things to change it next year."

I must have looked as though my head were about to explode, because he suddenly stopped talking and immediately apologized for trying to "fix it" instead of just listening. I gave him a hug and kiss, and walked out the door.

This is a prime example of the differences between men and women. I want (need) to just VENT sometimes, and then I can go on my merry little way. My husband however expects a solution for every little problem, which is probably why he is so darn good at his job. I, however do not work for him and appreciate a patient listener every now and then.

I am one of the lucky ones, JT is usually very good at discerning when I expect him to fix it, and when I just want him to simply listen. To be fair, I should have known better than to bombard him with my complaint before he had a chance to make the switch from "work JT" to "family JT".

As the evening wrapped up, I was approached by the very person who had asked me to teach this year. My heart filled with dread as she said "I have been praying and hoping that you would help me with next years VBS. We could begin planning in January, and hopefully be a bit more organized next time."

O dear me, what ever am I going to do. You see what complaining gets you? I guess I will just have to (what was it JT said?) step up and be willing to do the necessary things to change it next year. Don't you just hate it when they are right? Ok, I get it. This aught to be a lot of fun.

author's note: This post is dedicated to my favorite person in the whole world, my husband, the love of my life.
I love you JT.

Beautiful Virginia

On Saturday we took a trip down to the Cascades, a 66 foot waterfall near Blacksburg, VA. It was a beautiful afternoon, with just enough rain sprinkles to keep us cooled off as we hiked up the mountain. I carried Elizabeth in the backpack...

and the guys walked on ahead of us.

JT and Miles found some awesome rocks to clime on and explore.

It took us about 2 hours to hike all the way up to the falls (two miles), and the view was totally worth it.

Miles and I splashed in the FREEZING cold water while Elizabeth took a nap in her carrier.

A butterfly decided to land next to me
and then we headed back down the trail. Miles had to stop to rest a few times on the way back.

I was very impressed with my little man, he hiked the entire 4 mile round trip without complaining about being tired or asking to be carried.
The 2 hour drive home was pleasantly quiet with both children worn out.
We all had such a good time that we will definitely be doing more hikes like this one.

Getting to Know Me

Why is it so hard to get to know people?
This evening I went out to dinner with an acquaintance. During the meal I had an internal battle going. How much about myself do I share? How close do I allow this person to get?

This is territory that I have visited many times. In our marriage of 12 years, JT and I have moved 14 times. I have struggled with keeping myself so reserved that I don't allow myself to make friends. I come across as a "snob",or aloof, when really I just don't want to give a piece of myself away only to say goodbye in just a few years. The problem is that I don't make friends, and therefore end up feeling pretty miserable.

What is the ideal balance? It is indeed a delicate dance that we must learn. As we open ourselves up for friendship, there are things that we don't share right away (maybe never).

I am an avid reader, there is not a time when I am not currently in the middle of a book and have a stack of books waiting to be read. I read about "best friends" or "girl-friends" the kind who know the most intimate details about each other, and I feel a little bit jealous. I want one of those. Of course in order to get one, I must be willing to invest the emotional time. And then I become a coward, I think to myself "if she knows all this about me she can't possibly like me". I am my own worst critic.

So I have built this wall around me with very few windows offering a view within. Little by little as I allow myself to trust someone, I will be able to make those windows bigger, and bigger, until I do have a best girl-friend.